As most of you know, Logan has struggled with his behavior for a while now. He has been going to therapy, we have done family therapy, and he has been prescribed a few different medications. This is not something I am proud of...and to be honest I feel kind of like I have failed him. I have tried everything I know, have learned, and can possibly think of to try and curb his outbursts, tantrums, and meltdowns. They are just a constant battle for himself and our family.
This past week while we were in his psychiatrist office and were discussing what change we should make - he tried to interupt us while we were talking. He wanted to play on my phone, but the problem was I didn't have my phone. The office of his dr has a no cell phone policy and it was in the car. This sent him into a fit which consisted of him throwing himself onto the floor, kicking, screaming, hitting, etc. His dr looked at me with a concerned look and said "I think it's time to admit him for observation."
I am still in a fog. I have all of the "what-if's" running through my head. Ugh! We have been told that it will be roughly 5-7 days. He was admitted Monday evening @ 7:30 p.m. Yesterday they did a 24 hour observation - he does group activities, school, gym, story time, group therapy, goal setting, etc. We are allowed to see him anytime (with special priviledges from the dr). Normally the parents are only allowed to see the child at lunch time and dinner time. We are blessed that we are able to come and go and be as involved in his action plan as possible. I spend the majority of the day with him and only leave for his school time, therapy time, and group sessions so that way they can evaluate him in those circumstances where I am not normally with him. The staff is amazing. We have the most devoted, loving, and caring staff I have ever seen. You can tell they all do this job because they love children.
If you are sad or upset that I have not personally called you - I APOLOGIZE! I cannot be on the phone without crying! My heart literally feels like it is broken. I spend every.single.day of my life with him. He is my life and my world revolves around him. It just does. He has required so much of my attention for the last 5 years that him taking 100% of my attention has become normal. This is THE HARDEST thing I have ever gone through. I never thought something like this would happen to our family. It is so hard not to be embarrassed by the fact that I couldn't control him. The doctors keep reminding me that no matter how hard I tried, how hard we tried, you cannot control a chemical imbalance. It is impossible. :(
If you are reading this and do not agree with our method of treatment, I am truly sorry, but this is the best thing for Logan. I guarantee you that you have never been in this situation if you are judging it. I used to think this kind of thing was for parents who didn't have a clue or didn't try their hardest...and I will fully admit that I was wrong. It is the hardest thing I have ever gone through...and again I just wish there was something I could have done sooner. If you pray, please pray for our family. Please pray hard for Logan and his actions. Pray that they find the right medication and dosages quickly so that we aren't away from him for too long and that when he is released that he be healed and have new techniques to help curb his aggression.
Thank you for taking the time to read and catch up on our sweet boy (he really can be sweet). I know we will get through this and this will all be a thing of the past soon. I just can't wait to get there.
Autumn
