Back to School...

For a while now I keep hearing the words IEP in conjunction with Logan and school. My mother-in-law is a special education teacher and I know she has to write these things all the time. I have been advised to try and have an IEP set for Logan...however, what exactly is an IEP??? I decided to educate myself in this area:

An IEP stands for Individualized Education Program. An IEP is put into place to allow teachers, parents, and the administrators to work together to come up with a customized education so that the child can perform to the best of his ability with his disability. This helps the teachers/parents to come up with a program that will allow the student to progress in the general curriculum (if that makes sense).

During Logan's therapy session this morning we discussed what his teachers current classroom goals are for Logan. This is what Mrs.Q (his teacher) came up with: following directions from adults the first time, waiting his turn, active listening, staying on task, and keeping hands/feet/objects to himself. I agree wholeheartedly that these things definitely need worked on and addressed.

His therapist recommended today that when I left her office I needed to head to the school and try setting up a meeting with whomever is in charge of setting up an IEP. She said it would be in the best interest for Logan because if he keeps having issues and there isn't an IEP set up they can just send him home as a behavioral nuisance and he will be missing out on vital learning. She started handing me paperwork and phone numbers and said I needed to call said number to get an "advocate." I was slightly confused because I thought I am supposed to be Logan's advocate. I am his advocate.

So after I left her office I went over to the school and actually met with the principal. Super nice set of staff and teachers at our school. I don't think we could have gotten any luckier! I was asking him what I needed to do because I felt kind of awkward going in there and demanding a meeting I know very little about. We talked and he set up a meeting with the school psychologist, himself (the principal), Logan's teacher, and Neil and I. I asked him if I should call that number and have this advocate thing started... He recommended that if I wanted to I could, but said I could come to this first meeting, see how I think it goes, and decide from there if I feel we are getting to where we want to be.

Needless to say this is NOT how I thought I was going to be spending my Monday morning! I will let you all know how it goes...keep us in your thoughts as we keep pushing forward...into what seems like the unknown.

Hope you all have a fabulous week! :)

Autumn

"Maybe You'll Be Surprised..."

I know each and every single one of my readers genuinely care for Logan and our family. I really, really do appreciate that and thank each of you for your support!

As you all know I was extremely anxious to send Logan off to Kindergarten - with his history it was just super overwhelming for me. I kept telling everyone "I just don't know how this is going to work." or "There is no way he is going to be able to do this unless something changes." 99% of the time my friends, family, husband, acquaintances, and whomever would respond "Maybe you'll be surprised!" with an optimistic attitude. I honestly wanted nothing more than to be pleasantly surprised, however, that is NOT the case. I know my boy all too well, I know his triggers, I know his struggles, I know pretty much anything and everything he is going to feel before he feels it. I JUST KNOW HIM.

Day 1 (Wed) of Kindergarten: He is in great spirits and excited to go to school. We get there and there are lots of other kids and parents waiting in the hallway for the bell to ring so that we can all walk our babies to their classrooms. He gets extremely anxious in the hallway - starts pulling his hair and grumbling. Asks me not to touch him. I know he has hit his breaking point. As the bell rings and the hallways clear - he calms down - hugs me and has a smile on his face. I drop him off and pray. Later on I pick him up. He is all smiles and said he had a great day! I call his teacher as soon as I can - and she says that she thinks he had a great first day. He had to take a few timeouts for getting up without permission and interupting the teacher while she was talking to other children, but he kept his hands and feet to himself for the most part. We left it that we would e-mail on Thurs and talk over the phone on Fri.

Day 2 (Thurs): As Logan settles into the car I ask him how his day went and he responds with "Well I sat in timeout like 4 or 5 or 6 or maybe 2 times today." Hmmm. Okay... So I e-mail his teacher asking what she observed, if he had a good day/bad day, and how he managed to do in a class with 20+ kids. I didn't hear from her until almost 9 p.m. last night and she ended up calling me. His behavior was night and day from the first day. He was really out of sorts and would shut down when she tried to talk with him. She said he was unable to be still - his hands and feet were going all day. He had no self-control. He was caught poking another child with a fork at the lunch table. He was a wild man on the playground (BUT in his defense there were 55 kids to 2 teachers). On one hand I wanted to break down and cry and on the other hand I was totally okay that they were actually seeing it first hand.

Today is day 3 and he is currently in school. I have tried staying busy but he is all I can think about. Logan is a sweet boy and has a great heart, however, he gets overstimulated sooooo easy. His current diagnosis' are Impulse Control Disorder w/ Agression and ADHD. I shouldn't dwell on the label, but dang it - it isn't right yet - and we haven't found a way to manage his behavior. There is something more to this story... Something that we are missing and I KNOW IT. I am not by any means blaming our doctors or therapists, they are a God send. Amazing people - but he is just a hard case to crack. Today I have been contemplating if I should call up Dr. Walsh  (the neurogeneticist) in Indy - he had said that if we were unable to get results that he would further investigate.

What connects developmental delay, right sided motor weakness, drooling, bundle branch block of the heart, a horseshoe kidney, impulse disorder, easily overstimulated, and lack of self control? There has to be something. I am struggling with what direction I need to go. I am his advocate and I have to speak up for his sake...because he can't!

So if you don't mind keeping all of us in your prayers once again I will be forever grateful. Also, if you have ANY suggestions what-so-ever please let me know!!! I am open to any suggestions.

Thanks guys!!!

First Day of School 2012!

Miss Emily - An official 6th grade "Middle-Schooler"

So proud of the young lady she has become!

First day of 3rd for Gracie and Kindergarten for my Logan!

Love them holding hands...

Had to have one with the school sign! :)

Daddy and his babies waiting until the bell rings to head to class!

Logan found his seat and was excited for the BIG DAY!

Gracie found hers, too! She absolutely LOVES her classroom!

To be completely honest - I think is going to be the best school year yet. We are in an excellent school district and the teachers are AMAZING. Each of their teachers have THE BEST attitudes, genuine smiles on their faces, and you can tell they really love their job - which makes a HUGE difference as we all know!

A *Smile*

Recently we checked in with Dr. B... We had been trying to wean Logan off of all medications, however, he had a meltdown in her office that consisted of biting, scratching, hitting, kicking, etc. and our hopes of weaning him off of the last medication quickly went down the drain. I am not going to lie - I was upset! I was upset that I couldn't control him long enough to get what I wanted {him off of ALL the medications}. You could tell she felt really bad about changing her mind, but she reminded us that it is what is in his best interest...and he obviously NEEDS something to help him. She ended up prescribing a medication called Zyprexa.

The dose she initially put him on was 5 mg. The first night was just insane because he was so wired and couldn't fall asleep. He was bouncing around, getting out of bed, hungry, etc. Over the next week we didn't really see any difference at all...except he was a little more excitable and anxious.We checked back in with Dr. B after our week long trial and she felt the dose should be bumped up to 10 mg. In my head I only saw this magnifying the excitability, impulsivity, etc. My mommy instincts were a little weary about bumping up the dose.

Seriously - I am not even kidding - The next morning after going up to the 10mg dose he woke up with a smile on his face! Usually he wakes up groggy, kind of grouchy if he doesn't get what he wants right away, and out of sorts. I was thinking there was no way the medication could work that fast. The day went perfectly - we had NO HITTING, KICKING, BITING, PINCHING, SCRATCHING, SCREAMING, etc. Then he went to bed without any craziness. He gave hugs and kisses, said his prayer, and went to sleep! He never even got up once.

Today is day six on this dose and we have had zero hitting, kicking, biting, pinching, scratching, screaming, etc for six days. He has had a few moments (when he has tried interupting my conversations and needs my attention right.this.second or when the girls are just testing his new found patience) but for the most part he has been pleasant... redirectable... more cuddly... and just happier. He has stopped and let me explain the reasons for the rules we have in place.

Dr. B did warn us not to get too excited. She reminded us that his brain chemicals are changing constantly as he continues to grow. We have already witnessed that meds that work long-term for most children will stop working in a matter of a month or so with him. I am going to remain optimistic. If nothing else comes from this I will take away the days that we have enjoyed together as a family - The conversations we have been having - The sweet smile that has been on his face for almost a WEEK now!

We have been praying a long time now for help and healing for him. We continue to pray that this is an answer to our prayers. That this is a step in the right direction. In my heart I feel that we might just be moving in the right direction. Please, please let it be so.

Here are a few pictures and a video from this past week:

Playing a game so nicely!

Smiling because he is just HAPPY!

Playdoh with his sister!

Our trip to the park!





Thank you for catching up and praying for our sweet boy!!!

Autumn



Baby Steps...

Today has been a difficult day. I had planned my day out and had decided to clean the house. It is in desperate need of some attention! I started in the playroom...while the girls were out of town Logan played in there a lot to keep himself busy. All of the toy bins were mixed up and things were strewn about. It was definitely not organized. I like the toys to be organized and accessible so that Logan knows where to find the pieces and things aren't so chaotic. He just plays better when things are nice and neat.

During my time cleaning out the playroom Logan was feeling rather grouchy. I had asked him to help pick up some of the toys...but he was more upset that I was changing things around. I let the idea of him helping me organize go and his sister volunteered to help me out. I had asked her to put away a little horse in its container when he came running over and slammed the lid to the container down on her three fingers. It was a complete disaster.

It's times like this that I just want to scream! She did nothing to deserve that from him, but yet it is so impulsive that he honestly has no control over it. I am not making excuses for him and he did get a timeout. However, I was sooooo frustrated! This got me thinking back to our "plan" for him. What is the best plan?! I don't really know. All I know is that Kindergarten is coming awful fast... What do we do when he has been weaned off of all medicine?! What are the appropriate steps to take?!

While still pondering all of this I decided to go out and get the mail. When I grabbed the mail I received a dictation from Dr. D. (the original neuropsychologist) that Logan's new behavior-therapist had had sent to me. It was the original dictation from January 2011. She wanted me to re-read what his dictation had specified. At that time Logan was 4 1/2 years old and too young for formal testing. He didn't think that he fit under the autism spectrum because he was able to make eye contact and hold a conversation. He did state that socially he was "still quite a bit behind" and "quite impulsive." He also stated that he wanted to stay involved with this case and do testing if the interventions were not sucessful.

I had one of those "A-Ha" mommy moments. A year and a half later with lots of documentation from Dr.B and also having been inpatient with all episodes documented, I think Dr. D will have a better idea of what is going on and what approach we will need to take. I decided to call and ask if they would be able to do the testing now and the nurse assured me that he will do the testing.

At this point I feel that I have made the right decision and am praying that Dr. B (his current psych that regulates his meds) will feel okay with this, too. We see her on Friday and I am going to discuss this with her as well, and make sure she is on board. His appointment with Dr. D is set for August 13th and school starts August 23ish?! I am still freaking out about that. However, I think this is one more step in the right direction...as long as this process may take. It would be soooo much easier if I could just kidnap the doctor for a day or two, bring him to my house and on an outting or two, have him observe all of the behavior and then he could be like "this is what's wrong and this is how we fix it" but that will never happen! As for right now I think I have made the right decision. August 13th cannot come soon enough!!!

Thank you for catching up!

Autumn

Mini-Vacation

This past weekend we took Logan to the Children's Museum in Indianapolis. Neil and I decided that he could pick out a special place he wanted to go. His sisters had been travelling the Eastern U.S. with Grandma C for 2 weeks and we deserved something! His choices were Shedd Aquarium in Chicago (which I was secretly hoping he would pick), an overnight stay at Splash Universe in Shipshewanna, or the Indianapolis Children's Museum. He picked the museum. We have taken him every single year and he absolutely loves it!

Behavior-wise he did fairly well. There were a few instances where he got angry with other children because they would want to touch what he had or accidentally bump into him...but all in all he did okay. We were able to redirect him which was the most important thing. Here are a few pictures from our time there:

This was one of his favorite dinosaurs and he requested this picture with his daddy.

He loved the HotWheels Exhibit...and the mini-bikes!

We have always gone to see the plays that they have - they do such an amazing job!!! This was Logan's highlight of the day!

This is Logan with the pirate from the play - He was actually in the last play we went to, too! :)

This was Logan exploring the shipwrecked cannons. They also had a real cannon that was 300 years old (being preserved) on display, too.

This was the HotWheels ring of fire that we got to walk through!

So we finished our fun day with a stop at Hamilton Town Center Mall for a bite to eat and dessert! I would say it was a pretty sucessful trip! ;)

Autumn







It's not just me...

While I was surfing facebook this evening after I put Logan to bed I came across this article.  It is times like this where I can be completely fine...and then I break down! Literally the tears just kept coming as I kept re-reading this paragraph:

"The trip to the mall turned out to be exactly what they so often are – a roller coaster ride. It was wonderful until it wasn’t. It was fun and carefree until it was overwhelming and impossible to manage. It was sweet and girly and joyful until it was hard and painful and sad."

This hit the nail on the head. I don't know that anyone could have said it any better...and it really hit home because just yesterday Logan and I spent our afternoon at the mall. Initially it went great because we went and ate at his favorite place right from the get go and that distracted him from everything else:

As our time at the mall got longer and longer his anxiety went up and he started acting really antsy, hiding in the clothes racks, and being super grouchy. Then I became grouchy - and selfish - because I went to the mall looking for specific decor for his sisters room and I couldn't remember which store I had spotted these cute little mirror owl stick-on things that I really wanted to find. I only made it worse because I had it stuck in my head that I drove all the way out north, I don't get to the mall very often, and I was going to find what I was looking for. What the heck was I thinking? Why would I do that to him? It's these feelings that overwhelm my brain sometimes and I just feel like a complete failure of a mom. It makes me cry just thinking about it. I know I will never be a "perfect" mom and I try sooooo hard to be a good one... There are just days where I wish just one day, one trip to the mall, would go as well as I see mom's with 2 or 3 kids strolling casually without incident.

Look at this: This is a picture of Logan's haircut that he received today. It is a complete wreck! Not because of the lady doing his hair, but because he is afraid of the spray bottle, the scissors "tickled", and he was scared/over sensitive of the clippers... So he has crooked hair, you can see lines, and the back is a little higher than what we were going for because the clippers startled him. Never-the-less he is adorable!



The reality for us is that we were not meant to have a cookie-cutter, submissive, easy-going type of child. I know God has a plan for us - it may not be exactly how I want his plan to go, but he's taking care of it. Every upset, every tantrum, every smile, every hug...It is all when it is supposed to be and when we need it regardless of how I feel.

More than anything I am thankful for my unique son: who he is and who he will become. Although there will be hard days, weeks, months, etc. I know we will get through this as a team with unconditional love and be stronger than ever. I just know it.

Love,
Autumn