Monday, November 19, 2012

Am I Crazy? (*Vent Session*)

Okay - I know that headline has to catch your attention. It is a question I am asking myself after what I witnessed today. I am trying to determine if I am being the overprotective / hard to get along with parent...

Today - I worked in Logan's classroom. He was actually perfect for the almost 2 hours that I was in the class. We were preparing for their Thanksgiving Feast that they are having tomorrow. I ran a craft table where the kids designed their own little Indian vests... It was TOO CUTE! When we were finishing up the cleaning the kiddos were sent to lunch. After I finished helping clean up the room, I decided to go down to check on my little guy because that is where he has the most problems with self-control.

When I got to the lunch room Logan was seated at a table by himself. I asked him if he had gotten into trouble and he said no. I asked why he was sitting alone and he said "They make me sit by myself every day mom." This was concerning to me. I went out to recess and just observed him and helped him play nice instead of the dinosaurs eating each other that he was trying to play (dinosaurs = growling, biting, scratching, chasing...all of the negative things he shouldn't be doing). He got involved in a game of tag and other than accidentally tagging a little girl too hard and making her fall down, he did really well.

The more I thought about him sitting by himself, the more sad and frustrated I got. When recess was over I walked Logan back inside and pulled the teacher aside and explained what I witnessed in the lunch room. I asked why Logan wasn't getting a chance to try sitting with his friends first, before getting put by himself. She said she didn't really know and that she would speak with the principal. I then asked her if she honestly thought that was okay to have him sit alone without having the chance to sit with his friends, especially on a good day. She just shook her head like "i don't know." I then told her that last week when this happened Logan came home hysterical that he had to sit alone with no warning what-so-ever. He was really upset by this. She then said that she couldn't believe that because Logan didn't mention being upset to her, and she was even with him in car line that day, and he wasn't upset at all. Grrrrr! Logan doesn't turn the tears on and off at his own will - my girls can - but he just can't do that. I told her that if this was going to continue to be an issue that I would just take him home for lunch and recess, give him and the lunch monitors a break, then slowly ease him back into things. She said absolutely not - that "all he wants is relaxed time with mom." Does this make sense?!

So as I sit here and type this I am soooooo frustrated and wish more than anything I could have just pulled him and taken him home. I am frustrated beyond belief that they don't UNDERSTAND my Logan. I try so hard and so patiently to explain how Logan's brain works - how Logan reacts to things - all things that are not typical 6 year old boy behavior/thought processes...but it doesn't matter how many different ways I try to explain it - it just doesn't click with them. I have spent every waking moment with few exceptions with Logan for the last 6 years and to come to this roadblock is blowing my mind. I am at a loss of what to do except wait for the meeting we have planned.

Please pray that I can keep my composure and speak in ways that they can understand. I don't want them to think I hate them...because I don't. I like them all as people, I am just having a hard time with their "ways." I don't want them to not want me as a volunteer all because we disagree on how things should go with Logan. I want to help them - I want them to understand how my little man works - what works best for him, how to redirect him, how to give him positive reinforcement, etc. I want nothing more than to be on the same page and work together as a team to benefit Logan and Logan's education.

Please - if you feel that I am being overly picky or ridiculous - let me know! If you have suggestions, feel free to share! I want nothing more than to see the big picture and feel confident in the decisions that I am making.

Thanks guys.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Some Days Are Rough!

These last few days have not been the most pleasant. I don't know why - I have just been in a complete funk. Maybe it's the election nonsense, maybe it's that the holidays are right around the corner, or maybe it is my complete and utter frustration with trying to get my Logan the help he needs in school and home (with the frustration of not getting ANYWHERE quickly).  I would guess the latter of these three is the main cause...

Logan's behavior lately has been quite crazy... Lot's of overly excited, wild-n-crazy, impulsive moments where he doesn't really mean to be naughty or cause harm but it just happens. Logan is a very remorseful child. He does feel bad when he does something wrong...however, that feeling is short lived because this is a BIG WORLD and LOT OF THINGS are happening! The smallest thing to us can in turn be a HUGE distraction for our little man.

I have been thinking a lot about Logan's school situation: We pretty much get the same note sent home on a daily basis (Logan has failed to keep his hands/feet to himself, trouble following directions, and making poor choices), not much has changed as far as his consequences, and the general frustration of the teachers is still the same now as it was the week after he started school (actually it probably is worse). I decided that since I have been in constant communication with his teacher and we haven't really seen much of anything improve...I would put a call into the principal.

I can't tell you that conversation was magical...because it wasn't. The first time I spoke with him he was "unaware" that there were issues going on. The very next day I spoke with him...and he says he witnesses Logan quite often cause trouble and that his behavior has been "annoying." I am done over-thinking and over-analyzing the situation...I was so upset that one day he had no idea and the next day he says he witnesses it on a daily basis. I just don't understand...

We met with Logan's psychiatrist yesterday. She is trying him on a medicine that he had success with previously. It is now a combination of Zyprexa and Intuniv. So far I have seen a huge difference in the 4 days that he has been on both. His teacher on the other hand, has not witnessed the difference.  We are still having "red" days and notes that are sent home. At the doctor yesterday I asked her if she thought that maybe I was making the situation bigger than it is...she said absolutely not. Some days I just feel like I should just chill out and not get upset about the little things with Logan's schooling, however, those little things add up!!! She told me that I need to keep doing what I am doing and to keep pushing for the IEP. She even wrote a note on an rx paper instructing that Logan NEEDS an IEP and included both of his diagnoses and her reasoning. She said that she couldn't believe that they are making this so difficult. She did express her concern with him getting left behind because of the same notes (I showed her) every day. So the push for the IEP is still in process...and I will not allow my little man to get left behind.

So that is the current situation - and many tears have been shed these past few weeks. I have been an emotional wreck thinking that this could go on for a long time yet. I have to keep reminding myself that I have to take one day at a time, and that as much as I want to CONTROL every little thing, I can't always do so.

As I am ending this I want to share some awesome pictures from our family photo shoot that my sweet friend Joni Walker did for us this past month:

I love this boy more than words can describe.

My girls and my silly Logan.

This is a perfect picture if you really know us.

Love this - girls are smiling - Neil and I are holding eachother - and Logan is peaceful.

Our WHOLE family - I am holding Gus - Paisley our Piggy is in the middle - and Gracie has Peanut!

Another "candid" shot. An airplane flew over.

He loves his puppy.

My love.

Also - if you ever need an awesome photographer - she is fabulous! I couldn't have asked for a more patient, sweet, and FUN photographer. She truly embraced our children and was so sweet and patient. Love her!
Thanks for stopping by! :o)