Some Days Are Rough!

These last few days have not been the most pleasant. I don't know why - I have just been in a complete funk. Maybe it's the election nonsense, maybe it's that the holidays are right around the corner, or maybe it is my complete and utter frustration with trying to get my Logan the help he needs in school and home (with the frustration of not getting ANYWHERE quickly).  I would guess the latter of these three is the main cause...

Logan's behavior lately has been quite crazy... Lot's of overly excited, wild-n-crazy, impulsive moments where he doesn't really mean to be naughty or cause harm but it just happens. Logan is a very remorseful child. He does feel bad when he does something wrong...however, that feeling is short lived because this is a BIG WORLD and LOT OF THINGS are happening! The smallest thing to us can in turn be a HUGE distraction for our little man.

I have been thinking a lot about Logan's school situation: We pretty much get the same note sent home on a daily basis (Logan has failed to keep his hands/feet to himself, trouble following directions, and making poor choices), not much has changed as far as his consequences, and the general frustration of the teachers is still the same now as it was the week after he started school (actually it probably is worse). I decided that since I have been in constant communication with his teacher and we haven't really seen much of anything improve...I would put a call into the principal.

I can't tell you that conversation was magical...because it wasn't. The first time I spoke with him he was "unaware" that there were issues going on. The very next day I spoke with him...and he says he witnesses Logan quite often cause trouble and that his behavior has been "annoying." I am done over-thinking and over-analyzing the situation...I was so upset that one day he had no idea and the next day he says he witnesses it on a daily basis. I just don't understand...

We met with Logan's psychiatrist yesterday. She is trying him on a medicine that he had success with previously. It is now a combination of Zyprexa and Intuniv. So far I have seen a huge difference in the 4 days that he has been on both. His teacher on the other hand, has not witnessed the difference.  We are still having "red" days and notes that are sent home. At the doctor yesterday I asked her if she thought that maybe I was making the situation bigger than it is...she said absolutely not. Some days I just feel like I should just chill out and not get upset about the little things with Logan's schooling, however, those little things add up!!! She told me that I need to keep doing what I am doing and to keep pushing for the IEP. She even wrote a note on an rx paper instructing that Logan NEEDS an IEP and included both of his diagnoses and her reasoning. She said that she couldn't believe that they are making this so difficult. She did express her concern with him getting left behind because of the same notes (I showed her) every day. So the push for the IEP is still in process...and I will not allow my little man to get left behind.

So that is the current situation - and many tears have been shed these past few weeks. I have been an emotional wreck thinking that this could go on for a long time yet. I have to keep reminding myself that I have to take one day at a time, and that as much as I want to CONTROL every little thing, I can't always do so.

As I am ending this I want to share some awesome pictures from our family photo shoot that my sweet friend Joni Walker did for us this past month:

I love this boy more than words can describe.

My girls and my silly Logan.

This is a perfect picture if you really know us.

Love this - girls are smiling - Neil and I are holding eachother - and Logan is peaceful.

Our WHOLE family - I am holding Gus - Paisley our Piggy is in the middle - and Gracie has Peanut!

Another "candid" shot. An airplane flew over.

He loves his puppy.

My love.



Also - if you ever need an awesome photographer - she is fabulous! I couldn't have asked for a more patient, sweet, and FUN photographer. She truly embraced our children and was so sweet and patient. Love her!

 

Thanks for stopping by! :o)

 

The Invisible Disability

I have been struggling for a while now about Logan and his school "behavior." I have also been struggling with how his behavior is being addressed at school. I really do like his teacher as a person, however, I don't think she knows my Logan like I do. It has been a real struggle for our entire family.

Basically you have a class of 24 kindergartner's, one teacher, a behavior plan that is followed for all children, and a little boy that isn't your "typical" cookie-cutter child. The behavior plan goes like this: Child starts out on green...if he or she has a great day...he stays on green all day. During the course of the day (6 1/2 hours to be exact) if he or she is asked once or twice or given a friendly reminder called a "Think About It" they move to yellow. If the child does that same behavior or a different behavior that is unacceptable after the yellow - they get moved to red. First things first - I do NOT disagree with this method as a whole. My girls had very similar classroom rules when they were younger and Hailey still does in her 3rd grade class. These types of things work well overall - but Logan is not the "average" child.

Since the second or third week of school Logan has been getting red at least 4 out of 5 days...and here lately...it is 5 out of 5. This consists of a "Think About It" paper that gets sent home and he is supposed to write a sentence about what he did and another sentence on why he will not do this behavior again (mind you - he is in Kindergarten). I did call his teacher and told her that I would not make Logan write these sentences - he doesn't even know how to write all of his letters yet. I did explain to her that we discuss the behavior he gets in trouble for each and every single day and that we discuss ways that we can try to avoid certain situations or why his behavior is disruptive. She agreed that she was okay with the not writing sentences. Thank God. That would have only taken our entire evening and then some...

Here are the latest reasons for his "red" days:  Saying "he is done" with his work, laying on the floor touching the chairs during circle time, touching things on the teachers desk, not sitting still in carline, turning in his papers unfinished, calling his teachers name across the room, speaking out of turn, having trouble keeping his hands to himself, and being "the ONLY child that doesn't stand in line nicely."

I put a call into his teacher and discussed some of these things - I suggested that we needed to come up with short-term goals first before expecting my child (that has Impulse Control Disorder along with ADHD) to sit for an entire day without any of these behaviors showing themselves. I asked her if I provided the stickers and a chart if she could reward him with a sticker after each activity ie: He completes his letter "K" practice sheet, she gives him a sticker...He goes to gym w/out incident, he gets a sticker... He sits quietly and fairly still through circle time, he gets a sticker...etc. She disagreed! She said she thought he is doing this for attention and that would only reinforce the attention seeking behaviors. <<ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!?!>> That's what I really wanted to say, but I didn't...I just asked what she thought. She said that she would split his day into morning and afternoons - so if he messes up in the morning he has a chance at green in the afternoon or vice versa. I agreed that she could try it that way...but I have yet to see a single thing. He doesn't get two papers sent home - he gets one - just like before. I also had asked that when he shuts down and refuses to do his work if it would be possible for someone (the couselor, principal, etc.) to take him out of the classroom, talk about why he is upset, give him a short break, and then encourage him to try again. She once again disagreed with me stating "He is so smart - he knows what he is doing. That would just be giving him the break that he wants and I am not willing to do that." Her saying that makes me feel that Logan has control and thinks ahead to what consequence might happen. Logan is not a "planner" thus the IMPULSE CONTROL DISORDER. He is an in the moment child. A here and now child - not a child that stops to think - "Hey, if I don't do my paper, I might get to go for a walk with the pricipal." Or "If I don't do my paper I might lose recess." He doesn't think of those type of things. He just thinks "I don't want to do this right now." That is all his little brain is thinking - he doesn't try to plan ahead in spite of his teacher!

Another issue we discussed was his carline behavior... He was sneaking to sit with his sister and then she was trying to help "control" him and that doesn't work well AT ALL. His teacher was really beside herself about this behavior so I did ask if there was a reason he couldn't have an assigned seat with his class in carline. She said she thought that was a good idea (2 weeks ago)...until yesterday when I spoke to her and she told me again how awful he has been in carline and how he was messing around with his sister. I questioned her again about having an assigned seat and then I felt that she was stumbling with her thoughts. She said "Oh, I am not down there every day. He just isn't listening to the teachers that are down there." I asked if the teachers know that Logan has an assigned seat and she said they did, but she said he is choosing not to follow instructions and they can't watch him every second while they are calling out the numbers. However, there is not a single consequence set into place if he doesn't stay in his carline spot. I feel that is a huge problem - you can't set something in place and not have a back-up plan if that plan falls through. This would be a perfect example of when there needs to be a consequence.

He has been super antsy lately and I completely understand the frustration that his teacher has. It hasn't been a cake walk at home either. I can't say I think the tantrums are adorable, or the pulling of his hair is just too cute either...but the fact of the matter is that he is struggling internally as well as externally. It isn't just the ones around him who are suffering from his "obnoxious" behavior. He is struggling to find control of himself and it's a losing battle. How frustrating would that be if you were in his position?!

This disability isn't something you can tell by walking by us at the grocery or the Fall Festival - if you didn't know us and saw us out,  you would probably think "Great parenting skills people - Get your kid under control!" However, there is so much more to this. It truly is an "Invisable Disability."

I pray every single day for Logan - for the doctors that care for him - for the teachers that are around him - and some days even for my sanity! ;) I hope and pray families in similar situations have an amazing support group like we have because I honestly don't think I could do it without all of my family, friends, and readers who are so encouraging, supportive, thoughtful, etc. Thank you!!! Seriously - If you know another mom/dad stuggling with similar issues feel free to share my blog. I find comfort in reading other blogs and knowing that we aren't the only ones coping with this type of lifestyle.

I will post more later...we have family pictures tomorrow and Logan's parent/teacher conference on Friday. :) Have a blessed week!

Autumn


 

A *Smile*

Recently we checked in with Dr. B... We had been trying to wean Logan off of all medications, however, he had a meltdown in her office that consisted of biting, scratching, hitting, kicking, etc. and our hopes of weaning him off of the last medication quickly went down the drain. I am not going to lie - I was upset! I was upset that I couldn't control him long enough to get what I wanted {him off of ALL the medications}. You could tell she felt really bad about changing her mind, but she reminded us that it is what is in his best interest...and he obviously NEEDS something to help him. She ended up prescribing a medication called Zyprexa.

The dose she initially put him on was 5 mg. The first night was just insane because he was so wired and couldn't fall asleep. He was bouncing around, getting out of bed, hungry, etc. Over the next week we didn't really see any difference at all...except he was a little more excitable and anxious.We checked back in with Dr. B after our week long trial and she felt the dose should be bumped up to 10 mg. In my head I only saw this magnifying the excitability, impulsivity, etc. My mommy instincts were a little weary about bumping up the dose.

Seriously - I am not even kidding - The next morning after going up to the 10mg dose he woke up with a smile on his face! Usually he wakes up groggy, kind of grouchy if he doesn't get what he wants right away, and out of sorts. I was thinking there was no way the medication could work that fast. The day went perfectly - we had NO HITTING, KICKING, BITING, PINCHING, SCRATCHING, SCREAMING, etc. Then he went to bed without any craziness. He gave hugs and kisses, said his prayer, and went to sleep! He never even got up once.

Today is day six on this dose and we have had zero hitting, kicking, biting, pinching, scratching, screaming, etc for six days. He has had a few moments (when he has tried interupting my conversations and needs my attention right.this.second or when the girls are just testing his new found patience) but for the most part he has been pleasant... redirectable... more cuddly... and just happier. He has stopped and let me explain the reasons for the rules we have in place.

Dr. B did warn us not to get too excited. She reminded us that his brain chemicals are changing constantly as he continues to grow. We have already witnessed that meds that work long-term for most children will stop working in a matter of a month or so with him. I am going to remain optimistic. If nothing else comes from this I will take away the days that we have enjoyed together as a family - The conversations we have been having - The sweet smile that has been on his face for almost a WEEK now!

We have been praying a long time now for help and healing for him. We continue to pray that this is an answer to our prayers. That this is a step in the right direction. In my heart I feel that we might just be moving in the right direction. Please, please let it be so.

Here are a few pictures and a video from this past week:

Playing a game so nicely!

Smiling because he is just HAPPY!

Playdoh with his sister!

Our trip to the park!





Thank you for catching up and praying for our sweet boy!!!

Autumn