Tuesday, June 4, 2013

The Unspoken

I have always been honest on this blog - and will continue to do so. I believe that by sharing some of our families struggles, it may help someone else, or at the very least make them feel less "alone." There are often times in my parent's of special needs groups that that is a common thing - a lot of parents feel alone in the journey... Parents of children with special needs have quite the challenge - and then you add those challenges to a marriage - and it doesn't make it easy.

Neil and I have always been a great team, we've come a long way in our marriage, but recently our marriage isn't up to the proper standards. This year has been especially hard - with the challenges we have had with Logan's school, Logan's different struggles, his latest back pain issues, etc. I am a stay at home mom - Neil works - and he just recently added a second job to the mix. To say that our marriage is solid right now would be a lie. It's rocky.

I spend most of my time taking care of the kiddos - and primarily making sure all of the needs of Logan and the girls are met. I am the mediator between Logan and his sisters. I am the schools primary contact. I am the taxi to and from therapy. I am all of the clich√© things that a stay at home mom is known for. I am fully absorbed in our children.

Neil spends his time between the hospital - 12 hour shifts as a paramedic - and the rest of the time in the garage working on his own business. He does this to provide for our family - and I know it is a heavy load to carry.

Lately, we have been at complete odds with each other. I am grouchy because all he does is work, comes home from work to work and ignores me (hello, I have ZERO adult conversation because I am with kiddos ALL day), we disagree on the most petty things, etc. He gets grouchy because I constantly ask for his time and he is tired and feels the need to work non-stop, I want to get out of the house/He wants to stay at home, etc. It has NOT been pleasant.

I know all marriages are hard, they are not a walk in the park. There are struggles every married couple will face. The question is how much is too much?! We agree that we won't give up - you won't fail if you try - and we made a promise to love each other forever. We do love each other. It's just one of the "Seasons" of marriage where the grass looks greener on the other side. You look at other couples with envy. You wonder "why" and "how much longer" this season will last before you can move on to the next. We are ready for the next season.

I am more at fault for holding grudges, not being forgiving when I should be, etc. Neil is at fault for poor time management balancing work and family. Maybe our vacation to Mexico will help us reconnect. "This too shall pass." We will not be part of the 80% (divorced parents of special needs kiddos). We won't give up. It just takes time and a readjustment in priorities on both parts. Sooooo...if you pray...pray for our wisdom, forgiveness, and future.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. Love you all! Xoxo.

1 comment:

  1. I love you Autumn, I am sorry for my short comings, and I promise, in front of all people who read this to try to balance and to "let go, and let God." I will no longer try to take on the world, just to leave my family behind. I hope you will forgive me, and remind me(gently) if and when I do begin to let my priorities get out of line again.
    I love you,
    Neil

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