Baby Steps...

Today has been a difficult day. I had planned my day out and had decided to clean the house. It is in desperate need of some attention! I started in the playroom...while the girls were out of town Logan played in there a lot to keep himself busy. All of the toy bins were mixed up and things were strewn about. It was definitely not organized. I like the toys to be organized and accessible so that Logan knows where to find the pieces and things aren't so chaotic. He just plays better when things are nice and neat.

During my time cleaning out the playroom Logan was feeling rather grouchy. I had asked him to help pick up some of the toys...but he was more upset that I was changing things around. I let the idea of him helping me organize go and his sister volunteered to help me out. I had asked her to put away a little horse in its container when he came running over and slammed the lid to the container down on her three fingers. It was a complete disaster.

It's times like this that I just want to scream! She did nothing to deserve that from him, but yet it is so impulsive that he honestly has no control over it. I am not making excuses for him and he did get a timeout. However, I was sooooo frustrated! This got me thinking back to our "plan" for him. What is the best plan?! I don't really know. All I know is that Kindergarten is coming awful fast... What do we do when he has been weaned off of all medicine?! What are the appropriate steps to take?!

While still pondering all of this I decided to go out and get the mail. When I grabbed the mail I received a dictation from Dr. D. (the original neuropsychologist) that Logan's new behavior-therapist had had sent to me. It was the original dictation from January 2011. She wanted me to re-read what his dictation had specified. At that time Logan was 4 1/2 years old and too young for formal testing. He didn't think that he fit under the autism spectrum because he was able to make eye contact and hold a conversation. He did state that socially he was "still quite a bit behind" and "quite impulsive." He also stated that he wanted to stay involved with this case and do testing if the interventions were not sucessful.

I had one of those "A-Ha" mommy moments. A year and a half later with lots of documentation from Dr.B and also having been inpatient with all episodes documented, I think Dr. D will have a better idea of what is going on and what approach we will need to take. I decided to call and ask if they would be able to do the testing now and the nurse assured me that he will do the testing.

At this point I feel that I have made the right decision and am praying that Dr. B (his current psych that regulates his meds) will feel okay with this, too. We see her on Friday and I am going to discuss this with her as well, and make sure she is on board. His appointment with Dr. D is set for August 13th and school starts August 23ish?! I am still freaking out about that. However, I think this is one more step in the right direction...as long as this process may take. It would be soooo much easier if I could just kidnap the doctor for a day or two, bring him to my house and on an outting or two, have him observe all of the behavior and then he could be like "this is what's wrong and this is how we fix it" but that will never happen! As for right now I think I have made the right decision. August 13th cannot come soon enough!!!

Thank you for catching up!

Autumn

Logan Update:

Yesterday we visited Logan's psychiatrist for a "check-in." We discussed many things. One in particular was that my husband accidentally took Logan's medication (mistook it for his own when I handed it to him) while we were in Florida and it knocked him out completely - to the point it was SCARY! He couldn't wake up! He was like that on the beach for over 8 hours (and has a nice sunburn to prove it). After that incident we decided that the medication seems so harsh - How in the world if a grown man 10 times the size of Logan can't take it, can he take it? We discussed this with his doctor and she explained that his brain is made up completely different. Obviously that it why he can still be hyper as all get out and not be affected the same way as my dear husband.

Neil and I had also discussed prior to going that we would like her to wean him off of all his medications so that we can see what his "normal" is. He has been on medications for almost 2 years for his developmental delay/mood disorder/ADHD. There has never been a complete stop between the med changes - they (the drs) always phase from one right to the other. We have no idea what to expect - it may be pure hell - but it may be a huge surprise. In my gut I just feel like maybe it's the medications with some of the behavior issues - like them causing him to be over tired and cranky. I don't know. All I know is that I don't know what is right - I just don't! I wish more than anything in the world I could fix him - I could heal him - and it all be done. But then again - what would it be to fix him...would it still be him? Or would it be someone he isn't?! These are the things that I know that run through my head and other special need's moms heads quite frequently. It really is a whole different world...and sometimes you wonder if anyone gets it at all. Anyhow - off the tangent and on to the appointment.

So Dr. B agreed to start the weaning process. I am kind of excited. I will deal with the tantrums and what-not just to see what he is like completely off of the meds. I will try and keep a journal of our day-by-day progress (or regression) whichever road it takes us down. We are also enlisting a behavioral therapist for Logan to see at least once a week - I am still waiting for her phone call - so I will update more on that later, too.

Thank you all for taking the time to read about our journey - Logan's journey. I will do whatever I can to help him through this phase (at least that is what I like to think it is). This is the place where I come to release my thoughts, my goals for him, and his progress.

Until next update,

Autumn!