As our time at the mall got longer and longer his anxiety went up and he started acting really antsy, hiding in the clothes racks, and being super grouchy. Then I became grouchy - and selfish - because I went to the mall looking for specific decor for his sisters room and I couldn't remember which store I had spotted these cute little mirror owl stick-on things that I really wanted to find. I only made it worse because I had it stuck in my head that I drove all the way out north, I don't get to the mall very often, and I was going to find what I was looking for. What the heck was I thinking? Why would I do that to him? It's these feelings that overwhelm my brain sometimes and I just feel like a complete failure of a mom. It makes me cry just thinking about it. I know I will never be a "perfect" mom and I try sooooo hard to be a good one... There are just days where I wish just one day, one trip to the mall, would go as well as I see mom's with 2 or 3 kids strolling casually without incident.
Look at this: This is a picture of Logan's haircut that he received today. It is a complete wreck! Not because of the lady doing his hair, but because he is afraid of the spray bottle, the scissors "tickled", and he was scared/over sensitive of the clippers... So he has crooked hair, you can see lines, and the back is a little higher than what we were going for because the clippers startled him. Never-the-less he is adorable!
More than anything I am thankful for my unique son: who he is and who he will become. Although there will be hard days, weeks, months, etc. I know we will get through this as a team with unconditional love and be stronger than ever. I just know it.