I went back and forth on whether or not I really wanted to share these feelings on my blog...I am a very private person when it comes to political views and quite honestly I hate debating. I do not have a "type A" personality. I have never had the confidence to broadcast my views... The main thing I wanted to share with you is how this sad news has weighed on my heart.
As most of you know Logan was diagnosed with Aspergers & Pervasive Developmental Disorder on Tuesday the 11th. Not even 3 days after I heard this incident on the news. I watched as it unraveled. I couldn't take my eyes off of the television. The innocent children being shuffled across the screen with hands on each others shoulders, the teachers maintaining their composure in such a horrific event, and the officers swarming the
Do I know if that is really what this kid had? No. I don't. The thought of it though makes me sick. Not sick as in it's a bad thing for my Logan, but sick that the news would broadcast it that way and put such a negative stigma with Asperger's. The news screwed up so many details. They just kept releasing things far too early - so the gunman wasn't really Ryan, it was Adam. His dad was dead...and then he wasn't. So many speculations were made. The speculation that he has Asperger's made me extremely bitter.The unfortunate thing is if I ever have to tell a stranger my son has Asperger's (and they have never been exposed to such a thing) - they are going to automatically think "Oh, that's what the Sandy Hook Killer had." That just breaks my heart to think someone someday may think that about my precious child like that.
After reeling over the news I didn't want to even think that my Logan could possibly have something in common with this man. It really sent chills down my spine. My mom even called me and said "Did you hear what the shooter had?!" I was bitter. She meant not a single thing, but my heart was grieving and far too emotional. I wasn't mad at her, I really wasn't. It's just that everyone heard it and everyone had received the news just 3 days prior that Logan was diagnosed. It was all still too new. My heart was sore.
Neil and I talked yesterday. It was the first time we had opened up with each other since the diagnosis and the shooting. We discussed that his parent's could be us, what could have been done differently, the poor families that are dealing with this, how Adam Lanza's dad and brother must feel, and then we discussed how we would deal with our sweet boy long term.
I honestly feel bad for Adam Lanza. My heart not only breaks for all of the victims and the families, but it breaks for him too. You may not agree and I am okay with that. It just saddens me that he had no one whom he felt he could relate to or talk to. All of those emotions had to have caused his switch to flip (in my opinion). The thought of him being so angry and going to the extreme of killing innocent people just tears me apart. The thought of someone being so mentally ill that they are capable of such destruction is scary. So many questions that will never be answered.
If you could do me a favor and just stand up for Autism/Aspergers/Pervasive Developmental Disorder. If someone makes a comment about that guy having this disorder please explain to them that no two cases of Autism are exactly alike. There are so many successful people who have lived their entire lives with an Autism Spectrum Disorder. Here are some that you will know: Abraham Lincoln, Albert Einstein, Alexander Graham Bell, Benjamin Franklin, Emily Dickinson, George Washington, Marilyn Monroe, Isaac Newton, Mark Twain, Thomas Edison, Vincent Van Gogh, Mozart, Alfred Hitchcock, Andy Warhol, Bill Gates, Al Gore, and Robin Williams are just some of the many people! Very successful and memorable individuals. I hope this gives you hope for Logan, because it sure does make me feel a little better.